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[coldcock]

𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕. 𝚝𝚎𝚡𝚝.

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[janehollander]

[ Shane knows something deep has shifted inside of him when he doesn't feel like spending the night with Ilya in that hotel room was a big mistake. He should be freaking out, knowing that they just laid there in bed together, curled up in each other's arms and simply slept, instead of having sex.

Somehow that seems even worse. It's something they can't have, shouldn't have. It scares the absolutely shit out of Shane. But it still doesn't feel like a mistake.

Rose must realize it too, because a few weeks later she breaks up with him, and that's when Shane really freaks out. She knows. Not about Ilya, but about him, and for the first time, he doesn't deny it. After that, the anxiety fraying the edges of his nerves shifts to something more like relief.

Two weeks after that, the Montreal Metros are set to play the Boston Raiders.]

[coldcock]

( by the time the metros and raiders game rolls around, Ilya isn't really sure where he and Shane stand. they've started to text again, too stubborn to let go even though they both know they should, but there's still an undercurrent of something that's off. like an out-of-the-blue text of 'that play against hunter was elder abuse' is the 'i miss you so fucking much' that it's meant to be.

he shouldn't be happy when shane and rose break up because the tabloids are assholes about it to shane, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't.

he is happy for this game, unlike the last two. he's back on the ice, back in his element, even if the montreal crowd boos the second he's on the ice. )

Hi, pretty, ( he drawls low between them, winks before the puck drops because ilya rozanov plays dirty if he has to to win the face off. he cackles as he skates off with the puck, knowing hollander looks like an angry kitten once the shock has worn off. this time it feels different on the ice, feels like something is right by the time they've played the first period. playing against shane hollander has always been one of ilya's favorite things on the ice, has always made him feel alive. this time it doesn't hurt. this time every time they battle for the puck, every time they brush past each other feels like before.

the raiders win and ilya's grinning because he scored the last two goals, got one in right before the buzzer to take the raiders to victory.

he's riding the high after even if he skips drinks with the guys, instead catching a cab to the familiar building with the murder alleyway. )

You need to get access code thing so I don't have to wait outside to be mugged, ( he texts when he's there. normal. fine. not like he wants to buzz out of his skin and touch shane again after they'd played like that, like them. shane had wanted to talk and they-- they need to figure this out. ilya wants to figure it out. except he wants it to actually work which feels like a fucking pipe dream, like an impossibility because of hockey and russia and ilya's dying father. and if they do the smart fucking thing, this is it and he wants one more moment before that to ride the high before the crash. )

[janehollander]

[ Shane doesn't tell Ilya that he and Rose broke up. He can't bring himself to do so. He figures he's got the tabloids doing it for him anyway and if he tells Ilya himself, it would mean something entirely different. It would mean too much.

It would mean a green light.

Shane can tell Ilya knows, as soon as they hit the ice. Ilya's eyes are bright and catch his own, so different from the way they were avoiding the last time. He knows Ilya knows, because of that goddamn comment, and it throws Shane off so wickedly, just for that moment. He's angry about it, but it also feels good. It feels like how things are supposed to be. He should be angrier about losing the game, but... he knows what's coming afterwards and he's buzzing with nervous, excited energy.

It's that terrible, wonderful thing all over again.

He's nearly climbing the walls by the time the text comes through, and he heads down the stairs like a goddamn eager puppy. This is such a sharp, drastic change from the last time they saw each other. Shane tries not to think too hard about that, but he isn't foolish enough to think that nothing has changed between them.]

I'll consider it. Maybe the code can be 8124.

[He's opening the door a moment later, reaching out to drag Ilya in.]

Hey, pretty.

[coldcock]

( ilya is tempted to tell Shane that his number should go first because then the code would really be ‘69’ which is a fact that delights him and he only learned recently.

he lets himself be dragged in instead, can’t help but to crowd into Shane’s space before he can think better of it. hands on shane’s hips, eager to touch even when there’s a looming shadow. for now he’s wearing a delighted grin, a bit smug at having his words chirped back at him that it makes a laugh boom from his chest. ) No, you’re the pretty one.

( pretty, beautiful, handsome. a bunch of different words that ilya doesn’t know in english and hates how they sound on his tongue when he tries to replace them with something he knows. ) Cute too. When angry like kitten because you lost to me.

[janehollander]

[ Shane would have very intensely rolled his eyes at that-- with a smile on his face.

Ilya is in his space now, and everything feels electric. Just like last time, he feels like he can breathe again. He knows they should talk first, they should do a lot of things first, but when Ilya's hands land on his hips so eagerly, all those words leave him. His hand find their way to Ilya's hips as well, tugging him in closer. ]

Kitten? Shut up.

[He smiles, shaking his head. He shifts in a little closer.]

You played well tonight.

[penaltybox]

you look so good in my hoodie

[coldcock]

i look good in everything

( then a moment later: )

it still smells like you
but barely

i need new one

[penaltybox]

go pick one out and i'll wear it for a season so it gets nice and sweaty for you, freak

[coldcock]

you say this like half of mine aren’t missing or i haven’t caught you eyeing my dirty tshirts after a workout

[penaltybox]

whatever, it just smells like you and you don't wear cologne so i have to take what i can get
do you want a sweaty hoodie or not

[janehollander]

I'll pick you up at the airport when you land. 10:05am right?

[coldcock]

yes. nothing has changed since last night?

[janehollander]

No. Nothing has changed. I'm just making sure.
You have your ticket?

[coldcock]

hollander, i have my phone. who has actual tickets?

why are you awake?

[janehollander]

Your phone you die. You never know.

I'm just awake, ok?

I just want to make sure.

[mumbles]

[ Shane writes, deletes, writes, deletes. Small novels worth of drafts only to land on: ]

Are you invited to that benefit in New York next month?

[ Another fundraiser, another occasion to shake hands and smile for cameras, but maybe, maybe—

It's a worthwhile cause, they all are, but it'll be a long, overwhelming night. Though if it gets him and Ilya in a room four weeks ahead of schedule, Shane will happily bear an entire evening of small talk and hand-shaking. ]

[coldcock]

( he’s in the middle of fighting with his agent about events, actually. because Mikhail is still pissed at Ilya about Ottawa and suddenly Ilya has more of those sorts of things on his calendar than ever.

he’s ignoring the voices in his head that sound both like Shane and Yuna Hollander reminding him it’s good to build connections before they launch a charity if their own. and Ilya does care. even if it means attending more of these things after weeks on the road. )

Which one? I am being tortured.

( he knows he’ll be fine once he’s there, he’ll pull himself together. but he wants to go to one Shane is at. )

[mumbles]

Tortured.

[ Imagine, Shane repeating this back affectionately to Ilya.

But they are not in a room together, and it doesn't matter if Shane is dropping his voice to mimic Ilya's accent.

And even if it gives the impression of making light of Ilya's misery, Shane understands. It is torture, sometimes, to be trapped in a room where everyone wants his attention, talking, talking, talking at and around him. ]

The one for the children's hospital. This one.

[ A screengrab of said event invitation. ]

[coldcock]

There is event for animal shelters also but there will be no puppies. ( which feels like a missed opportunity, if anyone asks Ilya. it’s probably better this way because he doesn’t actually have time for a dog but no time like the present to plant seeds. )

I am going if you are going. Would be nice not to wait so long.

[mumbles]

[ Seeds that skate right past Shane's radar, already focused ahead to— ]

We should get a shared calendar. It'll make sense when we have the charity up and running.

[ And make it easier to manage the dance they've been doing for years and years now. Aligning their time to steal a little time together. ]

I've got a Make A Wish in Quebec too, we could get you in on that.

[ Sliding towards Planning, a different kind of logistics than Shane likely had initially intended when he'd sent the first text. A plan which requires them to consider how many events they can do together before it starts to raise eyebrows, prompt questions but makes it easier to see each other, easier than Shane had even considered when he'd first pitched Ilya on their radical life changes. ]

what if messy early situationship things

[mumbles]

You're late.

[ Is only true in the very vaguest sense of the word. The exchanged room numbers, said after the game, and it is admittedly a very broad window. It is still after the game.

But Shane has been pacing around his hotel room for what feels like an eternity, and he doesn't want to tip his hand, admit anything too revealing, but what if, what if, what if— ]

[coldcock]

We said later? Is still later, no?

( he’s on his way, having just slipped away from team. now he’s not going to mention it yet. )

[mumbles]

[ Reflexive whisper: Asshole.

Puts down phone, paces around his kitchen island, picks up phone.

If you're not coming, just tell me.

Deleted. ]

It's getting late, is all.

[coldcock]

So impatient

You will get 🍆 you want in 20
minutes

[mumbles]

[ The impulse to say, forget it.

Fuck you, I'm going to bed.

Shane doesn't even bother typing these things out. ]

Good thing you're not this slow on the ice, Rozanov.

[ Nailed it. ]