Yes. [ He answers his last questions immediately. Shane's heart is beating like a rabbit under a shadow and for a second Ilya is absolutely blasted with warmth, like summer sunlight tainted with joy so intense it feels more like fear. ]
Just for looks. That's all. Fuck, I love you. [ The words slip through that broken barrier easily, even though Shane doesn't know he's flooded Ilya with his own feelings. He does know he probably lost control of that last thought though, and the connection abruptly closes up. ]
We will just need to keep story straight. ( which he knows that Shane will, at least. Ilya will if he remembers.
he smiles to himself as he sits back against the couch he's resting on, out in some common area. he almost projects the words back but then he feels the wave of warmth, of heat. it's joy, it's elation. it's mirrored back in his chest with equal force if one knew where to look behind the walls of indifference he's built around himself.
then suddenly he can't feel half of it anymore. and suddenly it feels like something has been torn from him, like a physical blow. ) What the-- Shane? Did you-- Did you feel that?
[ Keep the story straight, yup. Shane's been doing that what feels like most of his life. He even snorts a little at the pun that he's sure Ilya did not intend, but then something bizarre happens -- it's like the warm, smitten feeling he gets when he's talking to Ilya is held up to a mirror, reflected back at him so strongly that Shane stands up abruptly from the bed -- their new bed -- that he'd been sitting on.
Then it's over just as soon as it started and Shane can't believe how disappointed he is. It was like what Shane has always assumed drugs are like. ]
I-- I think so? What the fuck was that? [ Important, sure, but he sure did notice that Ilya didn't say it back! ]
It was— ( Ilya can’t quite describe how it was, not in a language that Shane understands as much as Ilya wishes that he could. He’s not aware the way this place works, that it can grant him the eloquence he wishes he had wish his boyfriend through forces he doesn’t understand.
A bit of frustration bubbles up, pointed inward but spreading like discomfort as he chases words in a second tongue. but the way they slip away from him as they sometimes do when he chases only adds to the uncomfortable tightness and confusion blooming in his chest. ) It was like— Warmth? Happiness?
Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean. [ Which is insane, that the description Ilya had just given him is what he'd just experienced, but for some reason Shane feels frustrated now, confused, maybe at the loss. Maybe about something else? He cards his fingers back through his hair, presses the heels of his palms into his eye sockets. Lets out a shaky sigh. ]
Fucking weird, this place. You don't feel it anymore, do you? I don't.
[ Being left hanging has also made him feel itchy, disappointed in a stupid, embarrassing way. He tries to tell himself it's nothing. Ilya's just distracted. ]
I don’t. Now is… Like ants crawling on skin? ( which he doesn’t love, actually. He’d love for this feeling to go away and for the one from before to flow through him, like a heat that burned but felt like comfort at the same time. ) You felt it all too? The same way?
I went to look for clothes and blankets. ( he says to the question, looking down at the hoard he’d gathered without a real plan on where he’d take them back to. but Shane took care of that and a warmth flutters in his chest. ) For our new room now. Which you need to tell me where it is, любимый.
[ The more they talk about the feelings the more confused Shane gets, so he skips over that to the part of the conversation that makes sense to him, the part that's a relief to hear because he was just wondering about how they were going to stock up their space so they won't freeze to death - and Ilya has already started on it. Good, that's good. Tomorrow he'll have to figure out the firewood situation for their fireplace, something that Shane can't stop thinking about as romantic despite the terrifying situation it's a part of.
And that little Russian word... Shane perks up at it, feels instinctively that it's meant for him. A flicker of that good feeling is back and Shane wraps his arms around himself, trying to hold onto it. ]
Upstairs. The big winding ones, I'll meet you at the top of them.
Then I will meet you at top of winding stairs. I think some of what I found is not terrible and wool. ( which will keep them warm but Ilya can’t remember if he’s seen Shane wear it and hates the feeling of being wool sweaters on his own skin anyway. there are some silks but they won’t exactly be warm. though being next to Shane has kept him warm enough, he’s shivering on his own. )
Which word? Last one? ( he says it again in their mental link, smug and nearly purring. ) It means something like “my love” — it’s a pet name. Very important in Russian when dating. With friends too but very much when dating.
( he realizes, then, how he doesn’t mind that Shane calls him by his proper name but that it’d be nice to hear any form of diminutive or pet name from his lips. )
[ The way Ilya repeats the word in his head makes Shane shiver, actually shiver like he's trapped out in the cold, only it's a trickle of warmth that spreads from his spine to his limbs and finally flushes his entire body as Ilya translates. ]
любимый. [ He repeats it unsteadily but with intention. Then he says it again, lower and slower, like Ilya had. The feeling that Ilya gets subjected to through their connection this time is achingly warm, like iodine in the blood. The sunlight is gone and there's lust in its place, bone-deep and simmering. ]
How can we 'date' if we're stuck here?
[ Not that they'd be able to 'date' back at home, either. That was the whole idea behind hiding out at the cottage. And that had stayed so secret. ]
( There's a fluttering in Ilya's chest as Shane says it, repeats it again with more conviction.
The heat there burns brighter, wraps around him like a hug and then blooms in mirror of the electricity at the base of his spine. He wants to reach out, to touch and wonder if he can ever make Shane understand the depth of the ocean of love in his heart. ) I think since no one has asked for Ilya Rozanov or other guy Shane Hollander autograph yet, we may be able share meal together somewhere more public than kitchen. No?
( The fact that it won't be a date to anyone else by them, well, that sour's the warmth but it brings with it a fresh coolness of longing and then does nothing to the spark of arousal. )
[ Not only has Shane sat back down on their bed, he's fallen backward to lie on it, to bask in what he's feeling even if he doesn't understand how it's happening. It's left him almost delirious. It might be the best he's ever felt. ]
'Other guy'?
[ But it's said with the sweetest little chuckle, with a little growl that gives away the way he'd claw at Ilya if he were in front of him, dig in his claws and tickle him, or just give him a shove. Their connection feels like mischief now, like puppy teeth.
But Shane is floored by the suggestion. Terrified, but more excited than he realizes he's ever been allowed to be about the idea. ]
Yeah. Yeah, we can. I guess that'll be... our first date. Right? [ If that's what Ilya is suggesting. Oh god, is that not what he's suggesting? ] I mean, if dates have to be public to count. Then it would be... the first one.
Yes, other guy. Two is not a winner, three nobody remembers. ( if this is sing-songed to the tune of a certain rap song, Ilya can't be blamed due to his age.
He hums the verse to himself. But the thing that delights him more is the playfulness that comes through, pure and eager. It reminds him of Shane and something itches at the base of his skull.
The questions gives pause because--- Ilya hasn't really thought of his hookups with Shane as dates, even if he'd spent more time and carefulness arranging them than the dates the media caught him going on. A date feels grander than anything they've ever had, unless-- ) Yeah? Some count date night in.
But I think I'd like to have a new first date night with you. One out.
[ Said with the biggest, dumbest smile on his face. They aren't even home, where hockey still fucking matters, and still Ilya is chirping at him like this. It feels so familiar, so safe, that Shane's heart is aching. What the hell would he do if Ilya wasn't here with him? ]
Yeah? [ That flutter in his chest again, their connection feeling like those weightless moments in an elevator on its way down. ] Yeah. Okay. But it has to be tonight. Before you come up here.
[ Suddenly he sounds adamant. ] We can't move in together before we have our first date.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
abrupt involuntary switch to thoughtspeak.
Date: 2026-02-01 03:46 am (UTC)No, I mean...
It just makes sense. Doesn't it? There's two rooms. It wouldn't look like...
Shit. Okay, yes. I'm asking.
[ Why does it feel like he's leaving the most embarassing voicemail of his life? ]
no subject
Date: 2026-02-01 04:05 am (UTC)I want to live with you.
Two rooms with bathroom sounds perfect.
No one will ask anything, we just have to use second one a little.
It will be just for looks, yes?
Second room?
no subject
Date: 2026-02-01 04:13 am (UTC)Just for looks. That's all.
Fuck, I love you. [ The words slip through that broken barrier easily, even though Shane doesn't know he's flooded Ilya with his own feelings. He does know he probably lost control of that last thought though, and the connection abruptly closes up. ]
no subject
Date: 2026-02-01 04:35 am (UTC)he smiles to himself as he sits back against the couch he's resting on, out in some common area. he almost projects the words back but then he feels the wave of warmth, of heat. it's joy, it's elation. it's mirrored back in his chest with equal force if one knew where to look behind the walls of indifference he's built around himself.
then suddenly he can't feel half of it anymore. and suddenly it feels like something has been torn from him, like a physical blow. ) What the-- Shane? Did you-- Did you feel that?
no subject
Date: 2026-02-01 09:40 pm (UTC)Then it's over just as soon as it started and Shane can't believe how disappointed he is. It was like what Shane has always assumed drugs are like. ]
I-- I think so? What the fuck was that? [ Important, sure, but he sure did notice that Ilya didn't say it back! ]
no subject
Date: 2026-02-08 04:49 am (UTC)A bit of frustration bubbles up, pointed inward but spreading like discomfort as he chases words in a second tongue. but the way they slip away from him as they sometimes do when he chases only adds to the uncomfortable tightness and confusion blooming in his chest. ) It was like— Warmth? Happiness?
And then was gone? Like ice?
no subject
Date: 2026-02-08 05:59 am (UTC)Fucking weird, this place. You don't feel it anymore, do you? I don't.
[ Being left hanging has also made him feel itchy, disappointed in a stupid, embarrassing way. He tries to tell himself it's nothing. Ilya's just distracted. ]
Where are you, anyway?
no subject
Date: 2026-02-08 06:15 am (UTC)I went to look for clothes and blankets. ( he says to the question, looking down at the hoard he’d gathered without a real plan on where he’d take them back to. but Shane took care of that and a warmth flutters in his chest. ) For our new room now. Which you need to tell me where it is, любимый.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-08 06:36 am (UTC)And that little Russian word... Shane perks up at it, feels instinctively that it's meant for him. A flicker of that good feeling is back and Shane wraps his arms around himself, trying to hold onto it. ]
Upstairs. The big winding ones, I'll meet you at the top of them.
But what did you just say? In Russian, just now?
no subject
Date: 2026-02-08 07:08 am (UTC)Which word? Last one? ( he says it again in their mental link, smug and nearly purring. ) It means something like “my love” — it’s a pet name. Very important in Russian when dating. With friends too but very much when dating.
( he realizes, then, how he doesn’t mind that Shane calls him by his proper name but that it’d be nice to hear any form of diminutive or pet name from his lips. )
no subject
Date: 2026-02-10 05:03 am (UTC)любимый. [ He repeats it unsteadily but with intention. Then he says it again, lower and slower, like Ilya had. The feeling that Ilya gets subjected to through their connection this time is achingly warm, like iodine in the blood. The sunlight is gone and there's lust in its place, bone-deep and simmering. ]
How can we 'date' if we're stuck here?
[ Not that they'd be able to 'date' back at home, either. That was the whole idea behind hiding out at the cottage. And that had stayed so secret. ]
no subject
Date: 2026-03-01 01:51 am (UTC)The heat there burns brighter, wraps around him like a hug and then blooms in mirror of the electricity at the base of his spine. He wants to reach out, to touch and wonder if he can ever make Shane understand the depth of the ocean of love in his heart. ) I think since no one has asked for Ilya Rozanov or other guy Shane Hollander autograph yet, we may be able share meal together somewhere more public than kitchen. No?
( The fact that it won't be a date to anyone else by them, well, that sour's the warmth but it brings with it a fresh coolness of longing and then does nothing to the spark of arousal. )
no subject
Date: 2026-03-01 04:07 am (UTC)'Other guy'?
[ But it's said with the sweetest little chuckle, with a little growl that gives away the way he'd claw at Ilya if he were in front of him, dig in his claws and tickle him, or just give him a shove. Their connection feels like mischief now, like puppy teeth.
But Shane is floored by the suggestion. Terrified, but more excited than he realizes he's ever been allowed to be about the idea. ]
Yeah. Yeah, we can. I guess that'll be... our first date. Right? [ If that's what Ilya is suggesting. Oh god, is that not what he's suggesting? ] I mean, if dates have to be public to count. Then it would be... the first one.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-01 05:01 am (UTC)He hums the verse to himself. But the thing that delights him more is the playfulness that comes through, pure and eager. It reminds him of Shane and something itches at the base of his skull.
The questions gives pause because--- Ilya hasn't really thought of his hookups with Shane as dates, even if he'd spent more time and carefulness arranging them than the dates the media caught him going on. A date feels grander than anything they've ever had, unless-- ) Yeah? Some count date night in.
But I think I'd like to have a new first date night with you. One out.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-03 02:24 am (UTC)[ Said with the biggest, dumbest smile on his face. They aren't even home, where hockey still fucking matters, and still Ilya is chirping at him like this. It feels so familiar, so safe, that Shane's heart is aching. What the hell would he do if Ilya wasn't here with him? ]
Yeah? [ That flutter in his chest again, their connection feeling like those weightless moments in an elevator on its way down. ] Yeah. Okay. But it has to be tonight. Before you come up here.
[ Suddenly he sounds adamant. ] We can't move in together before we have our first date.